The Reason You Have Low Confidence and Can't Trust Yourself

Aug 28, 2022

Summary:

In this training, I walk you through the reasons we lose trust and confidence in ourselves and how to rebuild it.

We explore:

  • How we lose trust and confidence over time by not following through on our personal agreements.
  • To rebuild trust with ourselves and others, we have to strategically set small but powerful agreements, and follow through on what we say we will do.
  • Trust builds over time and requires commitment, consistency, and patience.

Full Transcript 

Introduction

Beautiful humans, welcome to another episode of Become Unlimited with Jonathan Perez, where every week we discuss what it really means to live an unlimited life. This week I want to talk to you about trusting yourself. And this is a huge topic that's really being talked about all over the personal development space, all over the transformational space, the spirituality space. And I want to give you my personal take on this topic and my greatest understanding based on what I've learned, what I've seen and what I've experienced. Why? Because trusting ourselves is something that takes practice. It's something that takes repetition's a process just like when you meet someone, oftentimes you might have a certain level of trust, but to trust them at a deeper level, it takes time. To notice how they show up, the things that they do, if they say certain things and if they actually do what they say, that develops the trust over time, right?

How we Lose Trust and Confidence Within Ourselves

So trusting ourselves is actually no different than that. Usually when you can't trust yourself, it's because you've made agreements with yourself that you didn't follow. You have promised something to someone that you actually didn't do. And you simply don't walk your talk. And again, I'm not saying that's good, bad, right or wrong. I'm not here to shame you for that. I'm simply pointing out what it is that causes us to not trust ourselves in our lives. And I want to make the point that beginning to develop a trust in yourself is no different than developing trust in any other relationship in our life. Because the relationship you're working on here is the relationship with yourself, which ultimately is the most important one. If you ask me, if you don't have a good relationship with yourself, I would argue that it's difficult to have a healthy and great relationship with someone else because of the ways we end up showing up.

So, then to trust yourself means that when you say you're going to do something that you do it, that you keep small promises to yourself over time, that you do what you say you're going to do. If you tell someone you're going to do something to do it. If you say that you're going to hit the gym two days a week, starting next week that you do it and you follow up. And I want you to know that the moments that you haven't followed up on those promises and those agreements that you've made with yourself over time, you decreased the level of trust that you have in yourself. So what does that look like then? It looks like saying you're going to do something and you don't even believe yourself based on how you have shown up in the past. So in the past, if you said you're going to do something and then you didn't do it, and then in this moment you say you're going to do something, and even though you say it at a deeper level, you don't even trust yourself. But why? Because you're already believing and knowing that you're actually not really going to do it.

There's that part of you that's telling you, [chuckle] yeah, right. It's not going to happen. Why? Because for the last 10 years you've been trying to change. Maybe it's a certain habit. Maybe it's some way of showing up in the world that you still haven't changed. So, however long, I just want you to track, you can remember being in this place of not following up with your commitments, not following up with your agreements, not following up with what you say you were going to do. That's all of the time that you have been conditioning yourself to not trust yourself. So then if you want to change that, if all of a sudden you say, "You know what? Tomorrow I'm going to change. Tomorrow I'm going to make a new decision and I'm going to say this, and I'm actually going to do it. And I'm going to do what I say." So when you do that, you might feel the feeling that says, "Mmm, well, based on the past, we don't believe it." If you want to then begin to trust yourself, you're going to have to follow up on what it is that you say you will do.

How to Rebuild Your Confidence and Trust Yourself More

So to make it easiest, I want you to know that it begins with small promises. Okay? So let's just use some examples of what that can look like. Because from my experience, usually we make promises that are really, really big, and when we don't actually follow up on them, we set ourselves up for failure, right? So maybe it looks like the new year's resolution where everyone makes the resolution. Maybe they haven't gone to the gym in like 10 years. And all of a sudden they make the decision to say, "You know what? I'm going to start going to the gym five times a week at 4:00 in the morning." Okay. Well, great. Let's see. What's the likelihood of that happening? That's a pretty big commitment. And what usually happens is that it's too much too fast. So it actually does not happen. And then when it doesn't happen, then we notice that we didn't follow up on what we said we were going to do. And then there's this deeper belief now operating that we can't trust ourselves. Okay? So I just want you to notice that's how it begins.

So to start small then, to use that example would look like, "Okay, you know what? I want to be healthier. So tomorrow what I'm going to start with is I'm just going to wake up and I'm going to go outside for a five-minute walk." That's it. So you want to set yourself up for success. And then when you do what you said you were going to do, you're going to get a feeling like, "Wow, I followed it up." And then the next day you do it again. But again, you're starting small because you're building up here. And what you're doing is you're building up the trust with yourself. You're proving to yourself that you're following up with your word. Okay? So make small promises to yourself that you can actually follow and not overextend yourself to set yourself up for failure. And the more that you keep those small promises to yourself, I promise you that that trust in yourself is going to begin to develop. So again, taking this into the context of any other relationship, if someone breaks your trust, it's going to take multiple instances of them showing up doing what they said they were going to do, keeping their agreements, keeping their commitments, and then over time that trust begins to build again. Right? So there's no difference between what you're doing with yourself here. And I want you to understand that. Okay?

So over time, as I've mentioned, the more you start to keep your promises to yourself, that you're going to begin to trust yourself more and do not set yourself up for failure, by agreeing to doing and bigger things and massive commitments that you know you can't really follow. So the other thing here is not only to make small promises to yourself, but also keep those small promises to yourself. But if you say that you're going to do something and you say that to someone else, if you don't follow up with that agreement, if you make an agreement that you're going to do something by a certain time and a certain date to someone else, and you don't follow that commitment and you don't let them know that maybe something has changed for you, you simply just don't do it, not only is that going to decrease the feeling of trusting yourself, but then it's also decreasing the level of trust that someone else has for you. So if you said that you're going to take the trash out every day at 6:00 PM [chuckle] and you don't do it, right? Not only are you losing the trust in yourself, I know that's a silly example, but point being, it's a simple commitment. It's a simple agreement that you might make.

And you say, literally express, "I'm going to take the trash out. I agree to take the trash out at this time every day." And then when you don't do it, not only do you lose the trust in yourself, but they lose the trust in yourself, whether that's a roommate, your partner, whoever. So then let's just say that maybe you didn't do it. And then all of a sudden you begin to do it. It's going to take that other person that you said, or that you told that you would do something, it's going to take them a little time to actually trust you if you actually begin to follow up on taking out the trash, right? So maybe let's say however long it needs to take you actually follow up, and then they start to notice, "Wow, okay. I can trust them more because they're following up and doing what they said they were going to do."

When You Trust Yourself, Other Will Also Trust You More

So I want you to notice how this works, not only with the relationship we have with ourselves, but the relationships that we have with others as well. And when you can begin to practice building trust with yourself, that by default, actually more people will begin to instinctively and intuitively trust you, because if you can trust yourself and you know that you're someone that follows up and does what they say, people are going to feel that. People are going to feel that, and they're going to trust you more. They're going to trust you with more responsibility and then more opportunities simply rise in your experience of life because people, they want you to be in their life because you are someone that is trustworthy. But all of this begins with developing and cultivating the trust in yourself first. Okay? So again, make small promises to yourself, ones that you can keep. Again, examples of them, of that can look like waking up in the morning, drinking a cup of water and committing to that and actually doing it. Waking up in the morning and maybe going outside for a walk, little things that you can follow up on and do what you say you will do, especially when you say it to other people.

And the more that you do this, the more that you're going to begin to trust yourself, and you're going to begin to cultivate this level of confidence that it's going to be felt it's going to be a felt experience. And I promise you that the more that you begin to trust yourself by following up on doing the things that you said, and that you say you will do, the more that others will also begin to trust you. So I trust that this was helpful for you. And I promise if you follow it that you will see results over time. Okay? Send me a DM on Instagram. If you have any questions or if any of this resonated with you, or if you want to comment on it, let me know. You can follow me at JonathanPerez.life. Thank you so much for tuning in, sending you lots and lots of love, until next time.

 

WANT MORE?

JOIN MY WEEKLY NEWSLETTER:

SUNDAYS WITH JP

You'll gain FREE access to my latest personal insights, reflections, tools, resources, inspiration, and motivation delivered to your inbox every Sunday.

DISCLAIMER: By entering and submitting your information you are agreeing to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. (Unsub anytime with a click, I won’t spam you.)